What's stopping you?

I love to read so this Saturday at work instead of watching a movie to pass the time I read the Alchemist.

If you’ve never read it . . . you should! Maybe one of the reasons I love it so much is because it talks about confronting ones dream. Paulo Coelho introduces the novel by discussing why people never confront their dreams.

Why . . . Because:

“There are four obstacles. First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. but it’s still there.

If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back one the old excuse: ‘oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.’ We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that out whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

So, why is it important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because, once we have overcome the defeats--and we always do--we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. The comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our live.

Oscar Wilde said: ‘Each man kills the thing he loves.’ And its true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal--when it was only a step away.

This is the most dangerous of all the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the world, and you understand why you are here.”

Paulo Coelho Vi-viii

I’m not really sure if Paulo Coelho is walking with the Lord, but I know that either way this can be related to our walk with Jesus. These obstacles definitely hit me when I think about where I’m headed and how I’ve gotten this far and how I’m going to get there. I constantly think about all the people I’m leaving behind to go on this Journey. I even often feel unworthy to serve Jesus despite knowing He has prepared me for it. Although all of the thoughts that Paulo Coelho has written have crossed my mind, I’m not going to stop fighting. You know, he says that, “the universe is conspiring in our favor.” I believe it . . . I believe that Jesus will stop at nothing to help me complete the Journey that he asked me to go on. I have resolved to not allow myself to get in the way of God--as best as I can--on this Journey. My whole heart is in this and I’m going to keep fighting!

I’m praying for those who read this, that you don’t let anything stop you from fulling your dreams, especially since it’s Jesus who gave you that dream!

UPDATE

My friend Andrea Orange made me this awesome lil graph! Now you can see where I'm at with my support raising. As you can see I have a ways to go, but Jesus is good!!

God's best

Last year one of my professors gave me a few biographies. One of them is on Hudson Taylor. I've only gotten through the first few chapters of the book and it has def been challenging.

Hudson Taylor's life is full of trust and faith in Jesus. Something I read that really challenged me about his life is that he was always seeking out God's best.

"But the outstanding thing about Hudson Taylor's early experience was that he could not be satisfied with anything less than the best, God's best--the real and constant enjoyment of His presence" (20).

This forced me to think about what it is that I daily seek. Am I seeking His presence? Last night I visited a small group. One of the things we discussed was what it means to live a rich and full life. I think Hudson Taylor had it right; seeking God's best--His presence.

Reading about Hudson and his drive to seek God's presence made me examine my own life, and I asked myself if that is what I am doing. Do I seek Jesus presence daily or do I convince myself today doesn't matter because I'm not in Ecuador yet? Luckily I have great friends who remind me that right now does matter =)

bumps in the road

These past few weeks have been really hard. Here it is October and I'm only about 2% in my funding. As many of you reading this know I want to be in Ecuador sometime in January. Because my perspective is so tiny I get discouraged when I think about the percentage of funds I still need. Our God is a great and wonderful God though. Last week my aunt was in for a few days. I got the pleasure of seeing her just before she flew back to Georgia. In those few moments I told her how discouraged I felt looking at all the facts and the reality of my situation. She reminded me that even though it’s October and I’m 2% supported our God is bigger and time is no concern of His.

Last week I also got the chance to catch up with a very good friend of mine. She told me how Jesus is using her transparency to challenge others in the small groups she is involved with. As I drove home that night and even as I sit here and write this it challenges me. My whole thrust in this blog isn’t to have you pity me, but to pray for me. Preparing to go is hard. It has been especially hard knowing my dad doesn’t want to see me go nor does he understand why I’m going. Satan has really used that and my lack of financial support to discourage me. Yet as I said earlier our God, Jesus, is a great God and He has sent great encouragement and challenge through my family and friends.

This week Jesus reminded me of a verse that has slowly won my heart.

Genesis 16:13

—Hagar named the Lord who spoke to her, “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “Here I have seen one who sees me!”—

Jesus see’s me even though I feel discouraged and alone in this journey to Ecuador!

Viaje

Its been a while . . .

I wanted to take the time to share some verses that have been a huge part of my viaje thus far.

I have been really meditating on Psalm 38:9a and Psalm 66:16 as I pray for where I am headed.

Psalm 38:9a says, "Lord all of my desire is before you." I'm so excited to be able to fulfill this desire to serve Jesus overseas. So I got curious when I was reading this psalm and wanted to see how the psalmist uses the words in this verse. When I studied the words and what was meant by the psalmist I found that this is being said even though the psalmist cannot express his full desire to God. This verse comforts me because I cannot express in words to anyone who asks how excited I am. I can't wait to share Jesus with the youth of Loja, Ecuador.

Psalm 66:16 says, "Come and hear all who fear God and I will tell of what He has done for my soul." This is my prayer for the people of Loja, Ecuador. I pray that they come and hear. Jesus has and is changing my life. He is more precious to me than anything man made and I pray that the hearts of the people I encounter there will be open for the change He offers.

Thats all for now!

Continue to pray for Loja Ecuador and me and I continue this viaje!

Murphy's Law

No pun intended in the title of this blog!

Last week I took the youth of RBC to ReCharge camp. A really good friend of mine warned me that it was going to be rough . . . and it was.

We started off well on Sunday, but when Monday rolled around Murphy's Law came into play. What I mean by this is that there was no way to prepare for the journey Christ was putting into motion for the rest of the week. I had thought about all the things that could go wrong, but apparently hadn't thought of everything.

The group was not unified at the beginning of camp, and it caused a lot of awkwardness as well as rough patches.

The group needed to come together; it needed to be unified. Walls needed to be broken, and hurt needed to be healed (a lot of hurt).

I can't say we accomplished all this last week, but Christ did accomplish what He wanted. The group is unified, and they now know they can rely on one another.

Friday morning after a long week, I read some old notes from my Hebrews class. It said, "God doesn't intend for to make life easy, but He intends for us to be victorious through the difficulties." This was such a great reminder since by the end of the week things had turned out better. I had felt defeated and like I had failed, but one of my youth got saved, another found freedom, a third stepped up as a leader, and the group is in unity. So in the end of the week we were victorious!!

Pray for them as Christ continues to work in their lives.

Also keep my funds in prayer as I need supporters.

Thank you =)

Its time to get crackin!

Graduation is over!!!

This month I have started going hard at raising my funding for Ecuador. I was so excited when I received the first set of emails saying they would support me =)

Along with that, I've felt God asking me to serve while I am still in the US. I felt Him asking me to take the youth group at Reisterstown Baptist Church to camp this summer. I'm really excited about this opportunity . . . and slightly terrified. This will be good training and experience for what I will be doing in Ecuador. Keep this in prayer. I need all the prayer I can get ;)

Since, my dad is Puerto Rican I wanted to see if Puerto Rican food had any similarity to the food in Ecuador. So . . . google helped me find what kinds of foods I would be eating.

The most interesting food I found . . . . Not at all like food from PR!

On that note . . .continue to pray for me.

and so it begins . . .

A lil about me . . .

Since I was about 13, I knew I wanted to be apart of God's mission. I haven't always understood why God placed this on my heart or why I responded to His call when I did. Everyday I think about where I would have been with out God, I just grin and thank Him for who He has made me to be and what He saved me from. My goal in life has been to always be where He is. He has taken me many places and now is leading me to Ecuador!

Where I'm headed . . .

I'm off to Ecuador! I will be there about 2 years working with youth and creating a youth ministry. My first year spent there will be spent learning the Spanish language and culture. I will be living with a host family =)

Funding . . .

After a long fight with excel . . . my friend and I finally created a pie chart so that you can get a better idea of where the funds I am trying to raise are going. I always hate asking for money . . . so I will let God put that on your heart. Give as He lays it on your heart to give. What I will ask for though is your prayers! Pray that I raise the funds to go, and that I know without a doubt that is God who is sending me. Also pray for the youth I will be serving.

First Time Funds:

Before I go: approx. $6,000

This includes: SIMCO, CIT, Prayer cards/video, first time passage (travel)

Monthly Field Funds:

Cost of Living: approx. $3,000

This includes everything from housing expense to health insurance in addition to food, toiletries, and household expenses.