Monday, February 24, 2014

Winding Road

I have been in Chicago for about 6 months now studying at Moody Theological Seminary. It has been a crazy 6 months. Like any move you regret it and you wonder,
"why am I here, how did I get here?" 
 Since moving to Chicago in August the thought has haunted me. I can't lie, I have thought about giving up and quitting. I have played the what if game over and over again, but then after talking with some wise friends and seeking Christ in this He reminds why I came here in the first place. 
I am here to learn and to grow, because I know that I am not ready for Ecuador. I need to be better equipped and better trained. Christ has also shown me that I need a better support group for leaving. While I am here I am not only getting a degree, but building a group of friends who will support me as I go to Ecuador. 
I read something that hit very close to home:
"Many Christians considering full-time missionary service are more fearful of support raising than of being martyred on the mission field" --Betty Barnett 
I can't tell you how true that fear is for me. When I started raising support it terrified me--still does. Support raising is more than just asking people for money, it is getting them to stand behind you in a ministry and be your friend through it. 
So, while I am here in Chicago working and getting better equipped for ministry in Ecuador I also here to build a support group of friends. I am finally at a point where I can say I enjoy being here for that purpose and I praise God for that! 
I appreciate your prayers as I continue to study and grow. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

It has been too long!!

Hey-

So it has been forever since I have blogged! Sorry!! Lots has happened since my last post. Lets see... well I am taking a detour from Ecuador and going to Moody Bible Institute to get my Masters in Spiritual Formation and Discipleship. I am still working with SIM and plan to begin raising support again once I obtain my degree.

I know what you are thinking... Isn't Moody in Chicago? Why yes, it is! I am moving this Aug to live on campus and be a part of the community there. I'm excited and scared... Reisterstown is nothing like a big city and I get lost easily haha!

Well, now that we are all (or mostly) caught up I wanted to talk about something that has been on my heart.

It really isn't anything new, but I have just noticed the fallenness of today. I was hanging out after work one night talking with one of my coworkers and my mind was blown. You see she was flirting with one of our other coworkers and when he walked away immediately said "I'm going to do him". Mind blown!

It made me so sad and my heart just breaks for this generation. This generation is so pleasure driven and blunt about it. I'm sure it's not much different from previous generations, but I believe it has gotten worse with my generation. There is no respect for others, let alone respect for ourselves. Everything is about pleasure.

I've been praying about how I can be a witness for Christ in my generation. I choose to live my life for Him and to live for honor not pleasure. I choose to find my pleasure in Him and through Him. My challenge for you is to do the same!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Fight Isn't Just Fists


These past few months I have been really discouraged in my Journey to Ecuador. People I thought were behind me and who saw that it is God who is orchestrating this Journey began questioning me and asking if its me who wants this or Him. That was hard and refreshing at the same time. It caused me to seek Jesus, and He challenged me and by showing me the bigger picture. 
Jesus showed me why I’m still here and why funding is moving slowly. I have been building relationships with people and encouraging them to fight for their relationship with Him, causing me to want to fight harder as well.
He also showed me that their are some things I need to get rid of and work on while I’m here so I can be totally focused while I’m in Ecuador. I’ve gotten rid of those things and as of right now I’m memorizing scripture to stay even more focused and engaged on Him. 
Through the month of June I will be memorizing Psalm 25. My plan is to memorize 5-6 verses a week. Feel free to ask me about it and how it is impacting my life. Also feel free to make me recite it to you. I can use all the accountability I can get ;)
SIM encourages it's missionaries not to fall for the lie the funding dictates if God wants you to actually go or not, but to realize that God's plan for me is not one dimensional; He doesn't just want me focused on the future of being in Ecuador, but to be focused on where I am right now, and so to use my time here wisely knowing this is part of the plan as well. Jesus has been blessing me while I am here to show me and remind me that I am in His timing. Recently He put it on the heart of a friend of mine to tutor me in spanish. The original plan was for me to pay her, but Jesus is leading her to teach me for free and blessing us both through it. 
So while sometimes life seems crazy and I want the future to be now, I’m glad for the now. I’m fighting for my relationship with Him and this Journey that I know is from Him.
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement! 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Yo dis message was on point


This Sunday I was almost in a losing battle about whether or not to get up and go to church... I won though, and when I heard the message I knew Jesus was speaking right to me. 
My Pastor just started a series through Nehemiah; we were in the second chapter this week. 
The part that really hit home for me was: “The hand of the Lord was upon Nehemiah”.
My pastor talked about how when we do things we need to pray that the hand of the Lord is upon us, so that we know we aren’t moving without God. With the hand of God on us it is God who is doing all the work. 
Hearing that made me realize maybe I need to change the way I’m praying about support (prayer and financial). So... I”m going to start praying that the hand of God is on me in this journey. With His hand on me nothing is impossible! 
Join me in prayer :) 

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Faith

This past week WBC held their annual missions conference. I got the pleasure of hearing a few of the speakers, and spending some time on campus. It's amazing how much has changed in the past year since I graduated. As I walked through the halls I noticed that there were not many people who I knew or who knew me.

Sitting in chapel that afternoon I remembered all the chapels I sat through as a student, and I didn't know it then but I was safe there. WBC gave me a plan and a purpose. Sure the purpose was to graduate, and the plan to pass my classes in order to fulfill that, but it was step by step set out.

Can I just say that I miss that security blanket of being a freshman in college and knowing the steps you have to take for the next 4yrs? Going back and visiting made me realize how much I need to continue to trust Christ with this journey He is taking me on. Only He knows where the finances will come from and when I will step foot on a plane headed to Ecuador. I am aware of who Christ is and how He holds me up in the unknown, and I'm so glad it is Him who is holding me up through it!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Hearts Cry

I wrote this a while ago and I thought I'd share.

Enjoy!

Hearts Cry

He knocks on the door

But she’s busy

So He comes back another day

He waits for her answer hoping

It’s today

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more

She finally answers the door

To her heart and lets true love

Embrace her

Choosing to live for Him

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more

She spends time with Him each day

Trusting loving not wanting Him to go away

Their relationship deepens and she must let go

Let go of the things that don’t help her growth

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more

She gives it all to Him

It’s not easy but she won’t let Satan win

Although the tears fill her eyes

She knows that what she’s feeling is all lies

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more

The battle she fights no one can see

It’s invisible to the eye like a sweet memory

Those who believe empathize

They’ve been there they know the cry

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more

Sacrifice that’s what’s on her heart

A deep part of who You are

Could she give her life for Him?

She contemplates and

Knows she won’t let pride win

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more

She prays her heart will be ready

Leaning into Him to keep her steady

I am yours use me as you will

I want to grow to be more like you

Papa you’re my hearts cry

You are my whole world

Papa you’re my hearts cry

The one I’ve been searching for

I’ll love you forever more!

Romans 12:1 ~ Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. (NIV)

Romans 14:8 ~ If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord,

So whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. (NIV)

Philippians 1:21 ~ For to live is Christ and to die is gain. (NIV)

Sunday, November 27, 2011

What's stopping you?

I love to read so this Saturday at work instead of watching a movie to pass the time I read the Alchemist.


If you’ve never read it . . . you should! Maybe one of the reasons I love it so much is because it talks about confronting ones dream. Paulo Coelho introduces the novel by discussing why people never confront their dreams.


Why . . . Because:


“There are four obstacles. First: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. but it’s still there.


If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. We do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. We do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.


Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn’t work out, because we cannot fall back one the old excuse: ‘oh, well, I didn’t really want it anyway.’ We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that out whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.


I ask myself: are defeats necessary?


Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.


So, why is it important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?


Because, once we have overcome the defeats--and we always do--we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. Each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable; the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.


Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. The comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our live.


Oscar Wilde said: ‘Each man kills the thing he loves.’ And its true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal--when it was only a step away.


This is the most dangerous of all the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the world, and you understand why you are here.”


Paulo Coelho Vi-viii


I’m not really sure if Paulo Coelho is walking with the Lord, but I know that either way this can be related to our walk with Jesus. These obstacles definitely hit me when I think about where I’m headed and how I’ve gotten this far and how I’m going to get there. I constantly think about all the people I’m leaving behind to go on this Journey. I even often feel unworthy to serve Jesus despite knowing He has prepared me for it. Although all of the thoughts that Paulo Coelho has written have crossed my mind, I’m not going to stop fighting. You know, he says that, “the universe is conspiring in our favor.” I believe it . . . I believe that Jesus will stop at nothing to help me complete the Journey that he asked me to go on. I have resolved to not allow myself to get in the way of God--as best as I can--on this Journey. My whole heart is in this and I’m going to keep fighting!


I’m praying for those who read this, that you don’t let anything stop you from fulling your dreams, especially since it’s Jesus who gave you that dream!